Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
