When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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