The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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