I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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