Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
