i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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