Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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