Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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