She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
