so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
