I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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