you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
