; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm passing your future prison.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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