Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
