it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
