I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
