So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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