Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize