Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
