I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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