All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
