I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
