I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize