Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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