I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize