did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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