You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
