im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
