i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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