I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
