a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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