lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
