dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
