i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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