o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize