The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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