Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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