i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
