Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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