So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
