I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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