Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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