i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
