If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
