Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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