If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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