I want to make a zoo with you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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