Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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