And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize