That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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