I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize