i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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