he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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