Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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