Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
