you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
worst night to have a conscience
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize