I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
