At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
