i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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