spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
