no, he came in my armpit
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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