shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
