I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
