Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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