Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
