Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
