I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sarcasm needs its own font
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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