she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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