Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
