I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
