when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
