I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize