opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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