I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
