So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
