I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
