she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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