Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
