u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
