U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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