People in love make me want to vomit
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize