So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
