I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
