Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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