remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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