if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize