Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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