if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
