Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
